The Staton Jones Report

The New York Observer (one of the journals that publishes the likes of Joe Conason) has a hilarious faux memo describing the new Bush Administration vernacular.

1) "Shock and Awe." Deleted. Archaic. Please resist the urge to describe the goings-on in the soon-to-be-renamed Abu Ghraib prison (see below) as "Shock and Flaw," "Shocking and Awful," etc., etc.

2) Abu Ghraib prison. Henceforth, this will be known as the "Khalil Gibran/Dale Earnhardt Jr. vocational-training facility and recreational center." As John Kerry himself has asked: "Who among us does not like NASCAR?"

3) "Mission Accomplished." Unoperative. And please avoid the alternate punctuation: "Mission accomplished?"

4) "Bringing peace, freedom and democracy to the Iraqi people." To better reflect our current goals, please substitute "Protecting the American homeland from vicious Al Qaeda terrorists."

5) Ahmad Chalabi is no longer "the legitimate voice of the Iraqi people." Please update your records to cite U.N. envoy Lakhdar Brahimi in this role, and avoid quoting his recent speech on French radio blaming the whole mess over there on "the Israeli policy of domination and the suffering imposed on the Palestinians."

6) "High moral ground." We’ve lost it. Lose it from your vocabulary.