The Staton Jones Report

This came to me from a Rabbi friend in San Francisco:

During Bible study in the Oval Office on Thursday we turned to Mark 5:12-13, where my favorite philosopher, that Jesus guy, tells us that, when it comes to things that get rid of demons, pigs are like little demon sponges. We are taught by the Lord that when looking for something to cast in front of swine, expensive jewelry like pearls are not a good choice, but demons are just the ticket.

- President George W. Bush

President Bush is backing funding of a Demon Shield to protect America from Hell's Angels. Literally.

The remaining Social Security funds will be used to build a multi-billion dollar National Demon Defense Shield that will protect Americans from the threat of foreign-launched incoming evil spirits. Mr. Bush's decision to back the controversial project came in response to the heartfelt Christian concern expressed by General Dynamics' Government Contracting division and feasibility studies by creation scientists at Reverend Falwell's Liberty University. "While many secular scientists scoff at the idea of intercepting Satan's demons," said Pat Robertson in response to the President's decision, "the technology is employed in the Bible, so it must work. And aren't these the same so-called 'scientists' who laughed at our $40-billion program to build mid-priced condominiums in whales?"

Honestly, I can't tell if this is satire, parody, or another policy paper from the Wolfowitz/Perle think tank. But I wouldn't be surprised it they were serious about it ...

This graphic makes my day:

It's amazing how it corresponds to "Blue" states.